Inge Hoonte

writer, sound and performance artist

HEART, OWNER'S MANUAL

ASSEMBLY INSTRUCTIONS
* CAREFULLY UNPACK THE
HEART FROM THE BOX.
* ASSEMBLE THE HEART ON A
FLAT AND CLEAN SURFACE.
* MAKE SURE THAT THE HEART
IS UNPLUGGED BEFORE
TOUCHING IT. THE ARTERIES
AND AORTA MAY HAVE
SLIGHTLY SHIFTED DURING
SHIPPING. IF SO, GENTLY
PUSH THEM INTO PLACE
WITH YOUR FINGERS.
IT IS IMPORTANT THAT THE
VALVES ARE COMPLETELY
TIGHTENED. RECENTER THE
ATRIA IF NECESSARY.
* POSITION HEART IN CHEST
BETWEEN THE LUNGS, BEHIND
AND SLIGHTLY TO THE LEFT
OF THE STERNUM.
* UNPACK THE CORONARY
ARTERIES AND ATTACH THEM
TO THE AORTA. ATTACH
LEFT (L) TO LEFT (L), AND
RIGHT (R) TO RIGHT (R).
* ATTACH THE BRANCHED OFF,
SMALLER ARTERIES TO THE
CORONARY ARTERIES (L TO L
AND R TO R). WRAP THEM
AROUND THE HEART AND
ATTACH THEM TO THE HEART
MUSCLE.
* UNPACK THE DOUBLE-LAYERED
MEMBRANE SAC FROM THE
PLASTIC WRAPPER, AND
PLACE IT CAREFULLY AROUND
THE HEART.
* ATTACH THE OUTER LAYER OF
THE MEMBRANE SAC TO THE
BLOOD VESSELS, LIGAMENTS,
SPINAL COLUMN, AND DIA-
PHRAGM WITH THE CERTIFIED
GLUE AND STRING ENCLOSED
IN THIS PACKAGE.
* ATTACH THE INNER LAYER OF
THE MEMBRANE SAC TO THE
HEART MUSCLE WITH GLUE
AND STRING.
* INSERT CERTIFIED HEART
FLUID BETWEEN THE TWO
LAYERS OF THE MEMBRANE
SAC.
* UNPACK THE NEEDLE AND
INSERT IT IN THE SYRINGE.
WITHDRAW 100ML CERTIFIED
BLOOD FROM THE JAR, AND
INSERT IT INTO ONE OF THE
PULMONARY VEINS.
* PLUG IN AND TURN SWITCH
TO START THE HEART.

MAINTENANCE AND OPERATION
* THIS HEART IS DESIGNED TO
OPERATE IN AVERAGE BODY
TEMPERATURE (33.2-38.2ºC
WHEN MEASURED ORALLY). DO
NOT PLACE OR OPERATE NEAR
SOURCES OF EXTREME HEAT
OR COLD SUCH AS HEATERS
AND AIR CONDITIONING.
* THIS HEART IS DESIGNED TO
OPERATE AT AVERAGE HEART
RATE (60-80 CONTRACTIONS
PER MINUTE). PLEASE USE
CAUTION.
* THIS HEART IS DESIGNED TO
REMAIN STRONG AND
RELIABLE FOR A HUNDRED
YEARS OR LONGER. BY
REDUCING RISK FACTORS
SUCH AS HEART ACHE, HEART
BREAK, STRESS, AND
CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE,
YOU MAY HELP YOUR HEART
OPERATE LONGER. INCREASED
PHYSICAL FITNESS ALSO
INCREASES OPERATION.
* USE ONLY CERTIFIED HEART
CLEANER AND A SOFT RAG TO
CLEAN THE HEART'S SUR-
FACE. ALWAYS UNPLUG THE
HEART BEFORE CLEANING.
* DO NOT ADD ANY FLUIDS OR
SOLIDS OTHER THAN THE
ONES PROVIDED.
* OPERATE THE HEART OUT OF
REACH OF SMALL CHILDREN
AND PETS.

CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION
THIS MANUAL MAKES NO
ATTEMPT TO BE A COMPRE-
HENSIVE MANUAL ON HEART
INSTALLATION. IF YOU ARE
NOT AN EXPERIENCED
PRACTITIONER WE URGE YOU TO
BRING YOUR HEART TO AN
AUTHORIZED HEART RETAILER.

ONLY USE CERTIFIED GLUE
AND STRING TO ASSEMBLE.

ONLY USE BLOOD THAT IS
COMPATIBLE WITH YOUR BLOOD
TYPE. APPLICATION OF
INCOMPATIBLE BLOOD TYPE
WILL PRODUCE UNSATISFACTORY
OPERATION. IF BLOOD IS
APPLIED INCORRECTLY,
ABANDON INSTALLATION
PROCEDURE IMMEDIATELY AND
SEE AN AUTHORIZED HEART
RETAILER FOR FURTHER
ASSISTANCE.

NOTE THAT THE LEFT SIDE OF
THE HEART IS LARGER AND
MORE MUSCULAR. THIS IS NORMAL.

VARIANCE IN SIZE OF
ARTERIES WILL PRODUCE
UNSATISFACTORY OPERATION,
FIRE, OR BREAKAGE OF THE
HEART.

THE HEART WILL BE WARM TO
THE TOUCH WHEN OPERATED.
HANDLE WITH CARE.

ONLY OPERATE AT BODY
TEMPERATURE.

THE HEART SHOULD NEVER BE
HEATED BY ANY OTHER MEANS
NOR SHOULD IT BE COOLED
DOWN ARTIFICIALLY. IT
SHOULD NEVER BE USED WHEN
CRACKED OR DAMAGED.

WHEN CRACKED, DAMAGED,
BROKEN, OR TORN IN ANY WAY,
PLEASE CONSULT LICENSED
HEART PRACTITIONER, OR
HEART RETAILER IMMEDIATELY.

ALL HEARTS CAN BE FULLY
ASSEMBLED AND ADJUSTED BY
AN AUTHORIZED HEART
RETAILER UPON PURCHASE FROM
AN AUTHORIZED HEART RETAILER.

FOR DETAILED INFORMATION ON
INDIVIDUAL COMPONENTS AND
THEIR USE, INSTRUCTIONS FOR
REMOVAL, AND COMPLETE
INFORMATION ON WARRANTY,
PLEASE CONSULT OUR HEART
ANATOMY HANDBOOK.

Heartbroken? Or just looking to extend your general life span? This manual guides you through the steps of installing a new heart in your own chest. You receive it hand typed on receipt paper when you purchase a heart from your heart retailer.

Disclaimer: This manual makes no attempt to be a comprehensive manual on heart installation. If you are not an experienced practitioner we urge you to bring your heart to an authorized heart retailer, who can fully assemble and adjust it for you.

The text was displayed in a reading room underneath a staircase at Under/Up the Stairs, Brooklyn, February 2012. Installation photo by Noe Kidder, further below by Brad Farwell.